As I said yesterday, my thesis was all typed up and ready for Kinko's. All I needed to do was save it as a PDF (word reformats the whole document whenever I try to print from somone else's computer). Sounds easy, right? Should've been at UBC bright and early. Except I forgot that my computer hates me and decided that it didn't want to work today. It took me hours to get the damn thing ready, all because my computer had PMS. The following is a transcript of the exchange that took place this morning:

Me: Okay. The thesis is ready. Now, just print this to a .pdf file and I'm off to Kinko's
Computer: PDF?
Me: portable document file.
Computer: I don't know what that is.
Me: Of course you do, Metis. You've made one before.
Computer: Me?
Me: Yes, you. Now kindly save this word document as a .pdf
Computer: I don't have the software.
Me: Yes, you do. I installed it. I even used it a month ago. Now get to it.
Computer: Oh, alright. [...] Nope, can't do it. I won't let you.
Me: What?
Computer: If you graduate, then you'll have money and you'll replace me with a newer, younger model.
Me: No, I won't. Now would you make the file?
Computer: I'm sorry, but I can't do that Dave.
Me: Who the hell's Dave? Now quit stalling and write the damn file
Computer: I don't have enough memory.
Me: I've closed down every other application. You have more memory than you need.
Computer: You still have that explorer window open.
Me: Write that file before I'm forced to format you.
Computer: You've done that twice already.
Me: Yeah, and you're still a smartass. Now write that file, or I'm pulling out a magnet.
Computer: Alright. Here's you bleedin' file. *sniff* Are you happy?
Me: Ecstatic. Now burn it to CD so I can go to Kinko's.
Computer: Oh, so now you want me to burn it to cd, do you?
Me: Yes, I do. Get to it.
Computer: Fine. But I'm doing it at 1x speed.
Me: I have an 8x cd writer!
Computer: Sorry, but my technobabble is limiting the capacetor technospeak.
Me: You're making that up. You didn't even bother inventing fake words...you just said "technobabble"!
Computer: It's still going at 1x.
Me: Whatever. I give up.

You know she's crazy, right? I mean...a computer that speaks? As if. And for the record, she not only had an explorer window open, she was running norton antivirus in the background at the same time. Obviously she's not only delusional, she's also a pathological liar. --Metis